12:12 AM

Motivation

Success.

Wealth, status, honors.

By what means does one execute success? I wonder how many successes one commonly amounts to throughout their life.

Or rather, do you travel in circles never getting on the on ramp regardless of the endless array of signs. This journey ends where it began, never ending, never beginning just always being.

I see so many re-runs in my life becoming acres where I've planted seeds so hopeful, so thrilled, determined and real. I carefully water my seeds, I know they will grow, I know my future will be beautiful, seeing it so clear, feeling it, I feel it, felt it, I hear and sense it in every way I could possible know that it is real.

And then... then it doesn't happen.

I look around me, twirling like a child showing off a new outfit but I have nothing new to show nor am I a child anymore. I stand in encore though I do not hear the applause, do not see the lights and I do not feel so proud as to scream some silly phrase like 'ARE YOU READY TO ROCK!'. I'm not ready anymore, no one is ready, everyone has left the stadium.

How many times can one make a promise to them self, to others, before they feel unable to stand any longer? Before they fall in this place that they've been fixed all too many times.

And here I go again. I will pick up. "I will survive"

I stand in this place appearing the same - seemingly unmoved, unmotioned sprinkled with the motion ( I sing) but this elemental twin is not identical. It's physique may be the same but looking within I mind an evolved mind... my mind. Focus baby, focus.

Here I do it again but I will not do it again. Bright eyes, beautiful skies, clean heart; this place so familiar is my new start. I see what I did not see, I know now what I didn't... I realize that I gave up, put too much on my plate.

My Grandma always said my eyes are bigger than my mouth.

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